I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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