i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
