dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
