Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
