He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
