I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
