Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
