I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
