a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
