I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
