I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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