it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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