Ambien. No doubt about it.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
