So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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