He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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