Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
