he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
