your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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