i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
