If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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