i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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