two words: eviction party
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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