the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
