I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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