wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
