great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
