Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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