Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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