so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
