I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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