Im at strip club and am horny
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
