just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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