My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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