Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
