You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
