I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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