it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
