dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
