oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
