I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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