Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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