okay pat passed out under dana's car
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
