Sry I called you an 8
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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