You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
