I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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