He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Your cock deserves a montage
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
