Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
