Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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