The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
