So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
