I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
