Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
