Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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