Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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