Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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