i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
