and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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